I hate that I have lost my zest for life.I hate that it sucks the life out of me to move from one day to the next.I hate that I feel so empty and yet so heavy at the same time.I hate not being able to write.I hate that I cant think straight.I hate that I cant hear the reel of words in my head anymore.Now,all I can hear is this disturbing noise or a rankling undertone like static on television.I hate the static.I hate not knowing whats wrong with me.I hate that I cant tell you whats wrong.I hate that I have no one to talk to,no one to fall back into.I hate feeling so debased in comparison to the people around me.I hate having such a downtrodden self-esteem with a mammoth of an ego to clash with.There's a difference between the two,you know.
I hate that I don't even have the want to call someone.I hate feel so bloody sorry for myself.I hate feeling lonely in a room full of people.I hate that I have noone to hold my hand,hug me and tell me everything,no matter how fucked up it seems now,will eventually turn out just fine.I hate not being that little girl who got excited over swings and water balloons.Now,the only rush I get is that of blood jolting to my head when a sharp surfaces impulse against some part of my body(by accident,in most cases).I hate looking at my reflection and seeing what I've become.I hate that I feel so ugly,worthless and insecure right to the core.I hate that I can never make my family proud.I'll only disappoint and fall short, embarrassingly so.I hate that the people who are supposed to matter cant sense the intensity of my screams.I hate that I'm screaming into sheer nothingness.I hate that I cant stand up for myself.I hate this charade that I'm a part of
I hate that I can't fix this.
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
Its beyond repair.Its in a million little pieces.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
everything is but a passing wind in the season of life.....
ReplyDeletePINK.>> i got everything you wrote>>i hate feeling sorry for myself and having self pity tears going down my cheek....something i do every pinkin day on my way back from school...
ReplyDeletei dont like the way things are going for me too. well , if i wrote all of that i wouldnt have wanted people telling me they felt the same, coz it just doesnt help. whether i'm helping or not, things are seriously messed up now. i wish, and for the first time i prayed that things would turn up pretty in the end. maybe things cant be fixed, but i guesss that doesnt mean things should go on the same way forever... evrything will be alright...eventually ( i hate living 3 kms away from you) ... lets just pretend we're sitting out of your house together. i promise i'll see you soon, phones are stoopid. i cant even see you..for all i know, i could be talking to your brother ( if he suddenly had a burst of female hormones :p ) for that one hour. and thinking bout college is killing me more...atleast thats something that makes you happy :)love you
ami
Maybe not,but it wouldn't;t help if you were on a joy ride either,would it?
ReplyDeleteMisery loves company and when it comes in the form of your bestfriend,you couldn't ask for more.
:)
HAHA.COLLEGE.i'm over the I CANT WAIT FOR COLLEGE phase.
yes,for now,lets just sit with our legs dangling by the veranda.
:)
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
ReplyDeleteFirst time here... :)