Where's the bone-crushing bear hug when you need it?

*She walks upstairs with a faster pace than usual.Bolts the bedroom door,drops down to her knees by the bedpost and does what she's now been accustomed to do every single stinking day-cry..Over the should-have-been's,over the ones who make her feel worthless,the ones who make her feel invisible,over the ones who will never understand,over the ones who should have never left-but did.*

What do you do when the one thing that makes you smile when no one's looking is the same thing that leaves you up all night feeling vulnerable and downright miserable?What do you do when someone who you thought you knew so well turns out to be a total stranger?What do you do when you need help so very badly but you're too afraid to ask?Maybe its fear of being marked low?or maybe its just pride.What do you do when your best friend from school goes to this far-off place and seems to be so darn happy with her new life that you cant even tell her that you miss her and want her back in your life-because that would be plain stupid.-?What do you do when you start feeling guilty about the very few RIGHT things you've done?What do you do when you feel exhausted all the time when all you ever do is float around like a ghost who's lost his keys?What do you do when you can't stand certain people around you yet you have to smile and put on a fake show?What do you do when even the smallest of things raises your annoyance level to such a high that you want to bite the person's head off?What do you do when you smile and laugh when you know its all just a show?
Its like falling into a never-ending black hole.Just falling with all those prickly things directed at you from every angle and its hitting harder with every passing day,.What I really want right now is to tell some random stranger every single inch of my life with nothing tampered.When you see me crying with puffy eyes and stringy hair,I don't want you to tell me that I don't look nice when I'm sad and that I should smile.(that is as lame as it can get).I don't want you to say it's going to be alright.Because it effing wont.When I talk,I wish you would just listen and not bombard me with advice.If that's what I wanted,I would ask.
Just hold me and watch me cry until its over.