You know those days when you feel the wind in your face and you think nothing can break you?Well,I feel the complete opposite of that today.Honesty and Individuality,I really value,but somehow I cant help thinking-Whats the point,anyway?..Its a man-eat-man world.You just cant brush past the conning wolves of this world to go there and make your mark,by sticking to your ethics.Its just so difficult to see the good in things,to move and be pleasant about things especially when your mind is clearly stagnant in troubled waters...I do try,but having a memory that is slightly better than people around you does not help.There's this constant nagging inside me that says everyone's just out there to get me and things just start eating me up inside,making me crash wrecklesly bakward.It makes me feel bad and disappointed and the next minute,I'm like an excited 6 year old who just saw a whale.The smallest of things(the rickshaw driver who smiles when I say thank-you,crayons,Polka's wriggly dance,the sight of my neighbor's dog's nose under his gate) make me reach such a high that i forget why i was down in the dumps in the first place.
I don't like being on two extreme ends all the time.its either all the negativity that kills me or the the extreme high i get out of things.This thing,whatever it is,is seeping inside my system corrupting my thinking and leaving me half-dead in the process.
Its also difficult to write all this without sounding emo.I must sound pretty pathetic now.But,writing is therapeutic.It cleanses my mind atleast for a teeny while,but sometimes the hurt just lies there stuck in those hard-to-reach nooks and crannies until the sharp and clever point of a toothpick comes along and pokes out the tiny annoying sliver of something wedged between your teeth!
And you know whats weird?Even though I may come across as a crazy,stressed,bi-polaric wreck of a maniac,there lies underneath a strong independent girl who is at a crossroad in her life right now.
:)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
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